I can’t believe I have a PhD and can only find a job working for $15 an hour.

I can’t believe I continued our Facebook poke war, even in the midst of our heated argument.

I can’t believe I have been on postsecret!

I can’t believe I got pulled over stoned and got away with it.

I can’t believe I got caught having sex with a man 23 years older than me… by my mom.

I can’t believe I feel so impressed with myself when I make a full sentence with refrigerator word magnets.

I can’t believe I once forgot what a four was.

I can’t believe I am still awake at 1:30 a.m. doing a job that makes me lose my faith in humanity.

I can’t believe I used to think a Pedestrian was a member of a religion that refused to use cars.

I can’t believe I was 20 years old by the time I figured out how to masturbate.